Office-Worker Mindsets

I’ve been in an office for almost eight months, and previously self-employed. Some the best aspects of working for yourself out of a home office are counterintuitive to the stereotypical office-worker.

As the developer, designer, manager, and customer relations person, I was able to make snap decisions and move things along. There’s a lot of times where you get caught up in office bureaucracy and it drives you up a fucking wall.

“I want to make this page not suck.” Nope. You have to verify it with X, Y, and Z, and god forbid if any of the three have an issue with your suggestion. It turns into three days of emails talking about what’s going to change instead of just busting out the three minute change. It’s ridiculous.

The thing that really pisses me off, though, is how everyone is just out to do the least amount of work humanly possible while maintaining their position. This one broad at work loves to blamestorm. That’s where you brainstorm all the possible people that are at fault that aren’t you. If that’s not bad enough, I hear this same fucking spiel every damned week too.

It starts on Monday; “Ugh, it’s alright, you can work slower because it’s a Monday! DO HO HO!”

On Tuesday, we’re still hungover from Monday. “Man, I was so out of it yesterday, I just can’t possible focus on anything today. DO HO HO!”

Wednesday is coffee day. “I just can’t seem to get moving today. I’m going to go grab my sixth cup of coffee before eleven o’clock. BRB GUYS. DO HO HO!”

When Thursday rolls around, she needs to play catch up. “I’m so far behind, take the calls for me so I can get through these emails. UGH. EMAILS. THERE’S SO MANY. DO HO HO!”

The two hours of real work on Thursday have her rather drained on Friday. “I am so glad it’s Friday. I really need this weekend. What a hectic week. DO HO HO!”

You’re the reason America’s falling behind in the world, and you’re the reason the terrorists are winning. Thanks for letting the terrorists win, you lazy sack of shit. Stop bullshitting and do some fucking work already.

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I am Keith J. Frank, an overweight, acerbic, narcissistic, and sometimes lovable asshole that was born in June of 1983.

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