App reviews are the best.

A few years ago, I got into the habit of reading the “What’s changed” section on the apps that update on my phone. Once, I scrolled down the page and read the most recent reviews posted. They rarely disappoint, and break down into a few different categories.

The “has no friends on the app” guy:



The “legitimately likes it but has nothing to say about it” chick:



The “has lofty expections” guy:


I mean, seriously. Fucking Maxthon? Is it still 2002? Get the hell out of here you idiot.


The “holding stars hostage because i fucking blow at the game” chick:



And the ever classic, “very confused, extremely overwhelmed” guy:



You’ll notice the dates on these jump all over the place. I’ve been stockpiling them as I come across them, waiting for the right time to use them. I have some left over for a follow up post, and if you stumble across any of these, share them with me for inclusion.

Stop staring at me, cereal!

I came across this research story on Reddit earlier, about how the characters on cereal boxes attempt to entice eye contact with their target audience. Children-themed boxes typically look down, toward the children (with an average angle of 9.6% degrees), while adult-aimed products tend to look straight forward.

I’m constantly fascinated by the tricks marketers utilize to instill brand awareness and trust. At the market this afternoon, I made a point to go down the cereal aisle to see if this information was backed up by what was on the shelves. All of the children’s cereal were on the middle two shelves, with all of their eyes pointing down at the ground. The adult cereal was on the top and bottom shelf, with eyes looking straight ahead.

You can say that the eyes are looking toward the cereal on the box, and I wouldn’t argue with you, but they did a test with the eyes looking straight ahead, or down. People found a stronger connection with the brand when the eyes were looking straight toward them. Seems silly, but there was a nearly 30% increase in trust. Others rated Trix higher when the eyes looked at them. Trix is fucking garbage, so if anyone was rating it highly, it must have been because of the eyes.

With all the money major companies blow on advertising, I would not be shocked if this was something they did on purpose.

Breaking news: Moron doesn’t understand my sarcasm.

I have no problem identifying as a progressive liberal, and I greatly enjoy following the crazy things people on the opposite political spectrum spew. When McCain/Palin were running in 2008, I had a great time digesting her nutty comments. Once she faded from relevance, I picked up on Michelle Bachmann.

Her twitter feed is a glorious example of inanity, and recently she said the following:

The gist of her gripe is that those pure Christian children won’t be able to call homosexual classmates “faggots” any longer. She and her idiotic gay-conversion-therapy-husband of hers need to preserve those ideals and values!

I sarcastically replied with, “The values of bullying need to be preserved! Preach on, sister!” I thought it was funny, and there’s some favorites and retweets to back me up on it. This one guy, though. He had to put me in my place!

Okay, pal. Might want to tone that down a bit. Even if — for some outlandish reason I can’t begin to contemplate — I was supporting bullying and affirming it as a value worth honoring, is telling me to commit suicide an appropriate response? I’m pretty sure telling me to kill myself is bullying, so in your effort to convince me that bullying is wrong, you bullied the shit out of me. Really good job spreading your wisdom, bud. Appropriate that your last name is Jakov, because you seriously are a jack-off.

Oh, and I’m curious on the data backing up the claim of school shootings by disenfranchised homosexual children. My understanding is that they’re more likely to become secluded introverts and cause harm to themselves than others. Then again, I’m not going around telling people to kill themselves all willy-nilly when I misinterpret their sarcasm. Guess I shouldn’t be looking for knowledge-based claims from you.

In other recent Bachmann news, she compared the ACA to Snapchat.

The idea of Snapchat is that you send a picture or video for a predeterminate length of time, then it gets deleted, never to be seen again. In actuality, the files are stored on the device and server for much longer, and can even be reclaimed! So yeah, the ACA is like Snapchat, in that you want it to be a flash in the pan, but it’ll linger on much longer. Great analogy!

Greatest review ever?

The Foundation is a hilarious episode. Every Seinfeld episode is amazingly funny. That explains why the show is the best show of all time. I don’t think any show could top it. I have seen The Foundation a hundred times. Before, I would just know it as the one where Kramer beats up kids. But now I remember which episode it is for definite. The reason why I would have forgotten is because so much happens in every Seinfeld episode. So much does happen in every Seinfeld episode. Seinfeld is the greatest sitcom of all time, and The Foundation may not be the best episode, but it’s a great episode.

Review of a Seinfeld Episode on IMDB by Sirus_the_Virus.