Balls Aren’t That Sensitive

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Guys, can we finally be honest about this? Is it time yet? Our testicles aren’t as delicate as  we men lead you to believe, ladies. Sure, if they’re hit hard enough, in just the right spot, you’ll go down hard. The problem, though, is that right spot is about four square millimeters, and unless it’s just above the threshold of force, we won’t be hurt.

Most of the time, we’re just hamming it up for attention. Starting around the time we’re in middle school, girls think they’re being funny by kicking us in the balls. We start pretending that it really hurts for their sympathy. The truth is, when you kick our nuts, the force is pretty well distributed across the area, and it’s no worse than being hit on any other part of our body.

When you kick us in jeans, we don’t even feel it. Really. I can guarantee that as good as some broads are at faking orgasms, men are exponentially better at faking being hurt from contact with our genitalia. Either it’s because we want you to feel bad so you don’t do it again (alleviating the possibility that you’ll land that ever-so-rare glancing blow), or that you’ll cowtow to our every demand for the next hour.

Sorry bros, couldn’t keep it to myself any more. Cat’s out of the bag. Move on.

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I am Keith J. Frank, an overweight, acerbic, narcissistic, and sometimes lovable asshole that was born in June of 1983.

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