Happy (almost) Independence Day!

While it’s nicely said in this whimsical cartoon, I much prefer the somber, stern tone the Newsroom took with the statistics.

So well done, wasn’t it? As eluded to in the clip, there’s a large amount of people that blindly think we’re the best at everything. Convincing them that there’s problems that need addressing is difficult, because they’re focused on the wrong, trivial things…

I’m not an isolationist, and I believe that there are times where intervention around the world is necessary. I just feel that it would be nice to turn our focus — along with the trillions of dollars invested in failed democratization — stateside for a while. Let’s invest in infrastructure: better sources of energy, modernizing and future-proofing our cables and distribution networks, high-speed mass transit, healthcare, education…

It’s hard, but it’s important to tackle this shit and get it under control. Being blissfully ignorant isn’t good enough. I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t see how maintaining the current course of action is sustainable as the rest of the world advances.

Mike Shinoda, wake the fuck up.

I know the thresholds of heavy, I’ve heard Meshuggah. I’m not under the impression that we’ve made the heaviest album of all time. But I do know that what’s going on out there in rock music, is that rock music, even the most popular bands, is not really influencing the zeitgeist. It’s not moving the needle of pop culture. I don’t want rock to be pop. I do want it to be exciting.
– Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park on today’s groups

Oh, what’s that?

“In the End” is Linkin Park’s highest charting single in the US, debuting at #78 and peaking at number 2 on the Hot 100 in March 2002 and being kept off the top spot by “Ain’t It Funny” by Jennifer Lopez and Ja Rule. It left the Hot 100 after 38 weeks.
– Wikipedia, in Rebuttal

Other Linkin Park Songs to Chart on the Hot 100
  • A Light that Never Comes
  • Bleed it Out
  • Breaking the Habit
  • Burn it Down
  • Crawling
  • Faint
  • Given Up
  • Iridescent
  • Leave Out All the Rest
  • Lost in the Echo
  • Lying From You
  • One Step Closer
  • New Divide
  • Shadow of the Day
  • Somewhere I Belong
  • The Catalyst
  • Waiting for the End
  • What I’ve Done

Yeah, it’d be a shame if “hard rock” was ever on a pop chart, right, dude? I guess you’re different because you throw around words like “zeitgeist” and expect people to be impressed. You’re the exception because you really defined the “hard rock crossover” niche, right?

Don’t worry, I’ll concede and give you full credit. Your band definitely “[moved] the needle” by creating a completely cookie-cutter genre of radio-friendly rock music that has yet to change. Two and a half minutes of melodic open chords and mellow verses,  choruses with repeated hooks, “heavy” bridges with angry yelling, and fading outros of resolution and compromise.

You’re the reason that a talented, interesting band like Mudvayne totally changed their style. Instead of staying unique, they disbanded and some of them went on to create Hellyeah, the epitome of your brand of radio-friendly rock. I guess you can take credit for Nickelback too.

Sincerely, I thank you for your influence on music.

I see it a lot, and I’m sure I’ve done it and will do it again in my life time. That thing where you bitch about something that you do. Oh, you hate loud and obnoxious people that try to garner every ounce of attention in the group? Guess what, you are that person to the rest of us! Congratulations.

Maybe it’s just that we’re all that unaware of ourselves that we think the things we do aren’t the same as the shit everyone else does. Perhaps we’re prone to really despise the things we do, because we’re selfish creatures and we want to feel unique. We have to rise up and protect our personality traits, as flawed they may be, lest we blend in with everyone else.

Whatever it is at the root of these harsh judgments — like the one I’m presently typing — the most important thing is that this guy is a douche, his band is fucking terrible, and I’m tired and grumpy. Throw that into a blender and I bitch about something no one in their right mind should ever care about, let alone write 750 words about.

IN THE ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAAAAATTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Fuck that song. Seriously. You know how much you hate All of Me right now? Or E.T. last summer, or Girl on Fire the summer before that? Back when that stupid shithead song came out, it was that song. You couldn’t escape it, and it was worse every time it hit your ears. Now, typing this fucking post, the damned song is stuck in my head. I’m sure the assholes in Gitmo used this song during the sleep deprivation torture they did to the captives. I know I’d tell them whatever they wanted to hear to get them to turn it off inside my own head right now.

Oh, just one last thing. Why do you want to name drop Meshuggah as a heavy band? Because you heard the name on the Osbourne’s reality TV show and thought it was super edgy when Jack was blaring Soul Burn out the window? Oh man, you’re so #br00t4l. If you’re trying to convince me that you know anything about heavy metal, because you can write songs that chart well on pop and alt-rock stations, be advised that you’re failing miserably in that respect.

The actual last thing I’d like to point out is how awesome you guys are live. You know, when you have guitarists backstage playing for you, while you run around and pretend to play? You’re top notch artists.

I never understood booing players.

Look at all these douche bags.

I love how quickly they change their tune when he steps out from behind the picture. What a bunch of inconsistent babies. They’re the guys that watch a bar fight from across the room, and then carry on for half an hour about how those guys were lucky they didn’t come over here and start something with them. Oh yeah, you’re such a big man until the action actually comes to a head.

The bigger problem I have with it is the booing of Robinson Cano as a sellout. Let’s reflect on that for a moment. Yankees fans booing someone for being a sellout. Yankees fans. The Yanks are the team that always overpay to steal talent away from other teams. The one time someone does it to your guy, you flip shit? Get a grasp on reality, moron.

I love Robbie as a player, but the Yanks have signed so many bad contracts for that duration/amount of money for people on the wrong side of thirty. I applaud their discretion for once.

Microsoft sucks at honoring email preferences.

So I just got this email from Microsoft <Microsoft@e-mail.microsoft.com>, with the subject: We miss you! Re-subscribe to receive the latest tech news from Microsoft

microsoft shithead email

“Did you know your current contact settings have cancelled all Microsoft email communications to your inbox?”

Yes, I did, and are you sure about that on your end? I’m pretty fucking certain I’m staring at an email from you. I also notice that there’s no option to remove myself from this type of message moving forward, although you’ve claimed I’ve removed myself from all your communication lists.

I’ve marked this as spam, and set up a filter to permanently delete all future emails from that address. Honor your fucking preferences, assholes. It’s not that difficult.

Suck Shit, Social Media ‘Experts’

With this news announcement, Facebook has essentially banned the terrible practice of exploiting likes and shares to increase viewership.

The way it works now — which is equally shitty — is that Facebook metes out posts to people based upon how many likes and shares it gets per view. The thinking behind it was that people like and friend many entities. This way, only “important” content is sent out to large swathes of consumers.

What’s really happening is Facebook is controlling the dissemination of information in order to coerce content creators into buying views. On any post you make, there’s a promote link below it. Hit it and check out what it says:

Promote an Important Post Total: $6.99

Now you can promote this post to move it higher in friends’ news feeds and help them notice it. Any post that you pay to promote will be marked as Sponsored · Terms Apply

So instead of it organically spreading, or just sharing it freely among your followers, they want you to pay for your not-important post to become important.

Big corporations don’t like the idea of paying to get their posts out to all the people that have hit the like button on their page. What they do, is hire someone as a “social media expert” to game the system. They’ll create terrible content that won’t circulate organically, and use the likes and shares as a means of voting.

Hypothetical situation:
Oreo is contemplating a limited run of a new flavor. They’ll put up a picture of an Oreo cookie, with two different colored fillings on it. Share if you want blueberry! Like if you want cranberry!

The post goes out to a percentage of people that have liked the Oreo page. They’re the ones that like and comment the most out of the group. If they interact with it well, the post is then sent to more followers. By encouraging the likes and shares, the post gains importance faster.

Rather than using a poll, which is apt in this scenario, they play the unsuspecting users to interact on false pretense. It’s a shitty way to get around a shitty Facebook implementation, and I’m not sad to see it go. I’m curious how these “experts” will get around this, or if it will even be enforced.

I’m guessing the first step will be using Instagram, Vine, and Twitter to promote the same tactics until they’re outlawed there. Retweet if you want blueberry! Favorite if you want cranberry! Comment on Facebook for a different flavor!

It’s all super shady, and I want it to go away as quickly as possible.